12 Things Every Tank Should Always Do (a.k.a How to Make Your Healer Rage Quit in Five Minutes or Less)

Never wait for your healer. Especially if they want mana.

1) Pull as many things as quickly as possible. Hell, don't even wait to make sure the healer queued into the instance. Just go!

2) Ignore everything the healer says.  Especially if it's about mana. Mana is a crutch. Tanks don't need much mana, and tanks get hit in the face all the time and are fine !

3) Chain pull like you're on a goddamn timer.  Even better, chain pull around corners, it's like hide and seek with the healer! They'll appreciate it! Keeps things fun.

4) Even when not chain pulling, keep moving. Healers HATE standing still and casting, so keep things moving constantly!

5) If the healer can give you a hard-cast buff (such as Fortitude or Might), constantly ask for it, even when you have it. Better yet, ask Restoration Shamans for mastery. Makes them feel like they're helping.

6) Healers love suggestions from tanks on which spell to cast. Always suggest a different way to heal, or tell them which spell to use.

7) Stand in everything you can possibly find that will hurt you.

Always stand JUST outside of blue circles.

8) Do not, under any circumstances, stand in the following: a blue circle, a shocky hammer, a white and yellow glowing shape, a yellow bubble or green circles. Just to be safe, stand as far away from any green snake statues and any blue totem-looking things. And for gods sake don't click on the lightwell!

9) Don't use cooldowns. Ever. Healers like to feel like everything is up to them.

10) Just for funsies, be in the wrong presence, stance or spec. What fun is it for the healer if you have all the threat? Liven up the party, don't hold all the aggro.

11) Healers don't like loot.  They have no interest in taking the time to stop and loot bosses or trash for potential gold or items they can use.  Do not give them time to do this, they'll get bored.  They're there just for you, after all.

12) When you wipe to any of the things above, always blame the healer. Clearly they weren't doing their job, after all. Bonus points if the healer dies in the commission of any of the above actions.

Bonus points if you get your healer killed.

Raid Leading - "Hit Your Button"

I remember my very first raiding experience with absolute clarity: I remember being absolutely terrified.  Here I am.  Little Mage, first raid, first time really seeing what is involved in a raid, in a group of people I don't know too terribly well beyond first introductions. (I needed to have someone explain to me what a Cauldron was and why I should click it.)

And across from me, flapping in the breeze and starting me down with a maliciousness that made me tremble: Ultraxion.

Yup.  I was pretty terrified. All I could think was "Gee, this is a really nice guild, I really hope they don't hate me.  I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing but I hope it's good enough."  And then the raid leader went through the bit about Hour of Twilight - and then I thought I was dead. "Click your button."

Now wait.  First time in a raid.  What the hell did "your button" mean?

I had no idea what an extra action button was, and after piping up nervously and shyly, I asked what they meant.  My raid leader explained there would be an extra button that would appear (what the fuck was this black magic?) and I'd have to click it.

So I basically spent the entire encounter with Ultraxion with my mouse hovering over where the button was supposed to appear. My DPS was abysmal, my raid awareness was nonexistent, and yet it was my first taste of raiding.

And. I. Loved. It.

And haven't stopped since.